Sex should be a memorable experience for both partners, yet it is tough to feel sensuous or intimate with your woman if you are dealing with sexual performance anxiety. You might be amazed to learn that performance anxiety is the number one reason on the list of sexual and emotional obstacles for men.
Men who suffer from sexual performance anxiety are often in dilemma and wonder if they are doing the right things in bed. They often perplex themselves by wondering if their lady is enjoying their company or not. When you worry continuously over your appearance and sexual performance in bed, you make sex extremely stressful as, well as tiring. This often makes you find ways to avoid having sex.
Most men in this situation are looking for ways to befriend sex and enjoy it all over again. Go through this list of exhaustive information and learn some facts that will both amaze and ease your mind at the same time. Item number nine could be your favorite, so don’t forget to check it out.
Let’s start with our list on performance anxiety:
1. Understand the Causes of Performance Anxiety
Science has proved many times that sex is not just a physical activity. There is no switch that you can turn on before getting intimate with your woman. Your emotions and feelings are tied to your arousal. When you occupy your mind with anxious and petrifying feelings, your body will not respond to any form of sexual material.
There are numerous causes that can lead to sexual performance anxiety:
- A deep-rooted fear that you will not be able to perform as good as you should with your woman in bed.
- Your complex relationship that can take a toll on your sexual feelings.
- Your appearance that does not satisfy your mind and you suffer from body image issues.
- You think your penis does not measure up to the standard expectation.
- You are worried that you take a long time to ejaculate to reach orgasm.
Let’s look at a few other major causes of performance anxiety:
- The pressure to be perfect. The bitter fact is that societal pressure is one of the major causes of performance anxiety in males. Many men think that their ability to please their women in bed helps build their image in society.
At present, societal pressure has become more apparent because of the way men tend to indulge in public displays of affection. This makes men more concerned about their sexual affection towards their lady.
- Lack of necessary experience. When you have not been having too much sex, you usually suffer from premature ejaculation and other forms of sexual dysfunction. All these issues contribute to your performance anxiety.
- Not-so-pleasant sexual encounters. Sex is directly proportional to expectations and attachments. Thus, couples who constantly argue and fight often suffer from performance anxiety.
Men dealing with performance anxiety automatically stimulate their bodies to release a fight or flight response. In addition, their bodies also release stress hormones, such as norepinephrine and epinephrine. When stress comes in between your woman and sex, you are bound to feel threatened and incapable.
2. The Role of Stress Hormones on Your Sexual Performance Anxiety
Even though you are madly in love with your lovely lady and find her sexually attractive, you can still fall victim to performance anxiety. Your state of mind plays a major role in making you capable of getting sexually excited.
The stress hormones that release during anxiety constrict the blood vessels and narrow the flow towards your penis. This makes it more difficult for you to get an erection. Surprisingly, only a single episode of performance anxiety can make a man incapable of having rock hard erections after that.
Stress can distract a lover from making full use of his sexual potential. And a distracted lover is an inattentive lover that will just think of finishing the game even before it starts. What is more bewildering is that once you get stuck with sexual performance anxiety, you will lose control of your sex life. In turn, this will result in a perpetual cycle and you will find your sexual-self sinking deep in this cycle.
3. Communication: Open the Door to Your Steamy Sexual Reunion
Nothing is as comforting as sharing your problems with the one whom you trust and love. Keeping your anxiety to yourself will only take matters to yet another level of anxiety. If you believe in your woman and don’t want to lose her just because of your sexual apprehensions, talk to her.
When you place belief in your woman, they will become more responsible and understanding of your situation. Talk about your fears, sexual issues, anxieties and concerns. Soon, you will find yourself soaking in a relieved ambience. When you are at ease and comfortable, you will easily delve into sexual bliss with your beauty. You will quickly discover how easy it is to break the chains of sexual bondages.
Someone once rightly said that communication is the key to every existing issue. It opens up the doors of relaxation. When you both work as a team, you can overcome every situation including performance anxiety. Be honest with your other better half and see your relationship blooming in every zone of your life.
4. Set Your Bed on Sexual Fire With Spicy Foreplay
Most men are just worried about intercourse and forget about the impact that foreplay can have on their sexual experiences.
When you play with your woman, you prepare her for the orgasm that will follow. Foreplay also gives you ample time to spice up your desires. When you see your lady getting wet with your touch, you will become more confident to perform better.
Here are some tips to make things spicier:
- Lengthen the duration of foreplay to season your desires and those of your woman as well.
- Take things easy. Don’t act with haste and make yourself tired. You have plenty of time to perform unless you are on an adventure ride or doing things in a lift or similar venue.
- Enjoy what you are doing even if it is just kissing her back, caressing her hair or engaging in oral pleasure. Focus on the moment and forget about what comes next.
- If you are worried about ejaculating early, let your woman give you oral pleasure for a short time. And as you feel orgasm coming, let her stop.
- Pleasure her with your tongue. The majority of women love this experience. Once she is pleased with your tongue work, they may not care if you are unable to hold on for long.
- Do not feel bad or inadequate if it does not occur every time.
5. Give Wings to Your Imagination and See Some Sensual Results
You should put in plenty of effort to make your partner satisfied and pleased. However, it is necessary to think outside of the box and offer something innovative to them. Don’t offer her the same massage on the back or hair caressing every time you want her to heat up. When you imply new foreplay ideas, you will see your lady getting excited in no time. The human body is amazing and readily responds to creative sexual gestures.
Watch some good sexual stuff or read sex magazines to get an idea of what new actions you can do. The best thing is to ask her just casually what she thinks of a sexual position you discovered a few days back. If you find her eyes twinkling and body shivering, take this as a signal to go ahead. You can also try mutual masturbation while watching each other.
Premature Ejaculation: Mastering Your Sexual Ability
Meanwhile, men suffering from premature ejaculation may try this technique to master their sexual prowess. Here is how to do it:
- Set aside some time when you are along in your room. You need a soft grip and loads of lube.
- Massage your penis with your hand after applying the gel.
- Perform strokes in different directions to achieve erection, but do not ejaculate.
- Stop and bring yourself to erection again.
- Do this a couple of times and you will find you are able to hold ejaculation for a longer time after every session.
- Practice this daily for about a week.
6. Sex Toys Could Promote Better Orgasms
One type of sex toy that is helpful to men is a cock ring. You need to fit the cock ring around the base of your penis shaft. Slip the cock ring on your penis when you are hard. It will help to constrict the blood flow and keep it inside your cock, thereby maintaining the erection for a longer time.
The cock ring can work to promote orgasms, too. There are extensions available as well that can help to massage a woman’s clitoris during intercourse. Introduce sex toys like these in your bedroom and see your sexual life growing better and better.
7. A Glass or Two: Wine May Spark Things Up in Your Bedroom
Even though the excessive consumption of alcohol is not good for your overall health in the long run, a few glasses can spark up your sex life. The large portion of sex performance anxiety develops in your head; thus, sometimes relaxing a bit can make heaps of difference in your sexual encounters.
Just enjoy one or two glasses of wine, specifically red wine with your partner and create a perfect mood for you two. However, remember to drink in moderation, because you would not want to pass out long before you begin your sexual night.
8. Exercise: Hit the Gym to Hit the Right Spot
Regular exercise routines can bring therapeutic benefits to your health including helping you shed your stubborn weight. A healthy and fit body is the perfect thing for a rejuvenating life. There have been many instances of males suffering from erection issues and premature ejaculation due to being unfit.
Erectile dysfunction is usually the result of poor blood circulation. And, when you shake your booty, you get more blood flowing to your sex organ and thereby accelerate your sex life. Other sexual issues such as premature ejaculation also get treated when your mind is at ease and your body is full of tranquil hormones.
9. Healing Exercises: Practice Mindfulness to Help Your Sex Life
Apart from including cardio and aerobic exercises in your daily routine, you should practice healing exercises, too. There are various ways to keep a tab on your wandering mind and negative thoughts such as:
Breathing exercises. Breathing exercises diminish your anxiety, control your heartbeat, reduce muscle tension and flood your mind with positive thoughts. When your body and mind are at ease, you become capable of performing sex with ease also.
Yoga. Yoga could be your best form of restorative exercise. Yoga postures make your body flexible and keep your organs functioning in the right way. A fit body enhances your self-confidence and your flexibility; both will contribute to making your sexual encounter with your partner successful.
Meditation. Meditation could also be uplifting and rejuvenating for your health. It improves your focusing power and lets you remain positive when making love with your lady.
Mindfulness Techniques. Embracing a focused life helps to control your performance anxiety effectively.
When you train your mind to concentrate on the present moment and control the flow of your negative thoughts, you are automatically directing your focus onto pleasure and sensation.
Here are a few tips:
- Stop judging the other person.
- Create a happy and safe ambience which encompasses just you and your lady love.
- Clear your mind of clutter using relaxation techniques and visualization secrets.
Sensate Focus Techniques. There are numerous recuperative exercises to help unlock a secret connection, build intimacy and provide you and your partner with the comfort you need. A few of these effective exercises are:
- Eye gazing
- Masturbation with the presence of your partner
- Mutual masturbation
- Oral exercises
10. The Power of Positive Self-Talk: Creating Your Reality
Pessimistic thinking can lead to a poor self-image. Knock off your negative thoughts by using the potency of optimistic thinking and psychology. When you use positive affirmations, reinforcement and statements, you give birth to an optimistic aura that clears your mind of stagnant energy.
You may want to enroll yourself into one of your local community colleges or universities that help teach positive psychology theory and techniques to overcome your pessimism.
Check out these tips for more information on positive self-talk:
- The type of thoughts that dwell in your mind have a huge impact on who you are. You might think that it is tough to change your thought patterns, but you can definitely do it with self-talk.
- Positive self-talk helps uplift you, accelerate your confidence, and makes you capable of attracting things you desire.
- When you take charge of your thoughts, you allow yourself to embrace a stress-free lifestyle.
- Make it a habit to indulge in practicing this therapy often, otherwise it can easily slip your mind.
- It might sound ridiculous in the beginning, but if you keep yourself motivated with your therapy, it will come natural to you.
Say these powerful sentences a few times per day and notice the incredible results:
- I feel active and alive.
- I am proficient and confident.
- I choose to be focused in all that I do.
- I choose thoughts that are good for my overall health.
- I want to feel happy and excited.
- I love to make others a part of my happiness.
- I want to cultivate kind and compassionate thoughts.
- I know with time and effort I can accomplish my desires.
- I am ready to overcome any difficult situation.
- I am moving in the right direction.
- The almighty has always been kind to me.
The repetition of positive talks rewires your brain and cultivates new thoughts that help to change your life for the better.
11. You Are What You Eat: How to Regulate Your Sex Life
It is no longer a surprise that healthy eating habits work to restore your overall health, including your sex life. When you eat healthy, you direct wholesome and nutritious foods into your body, which in turn improves blood flow to your organs, including your sex organs.
Along with eating wholesome foods, you should include sex foods, popularly known as aphrodisiacs, in your diet to make you sexier. They enhance your sex life by improving your erection and making you aroused. So, feast on these foods to feel bouncier:
- Dark Chocolate: Dark chocolate contains serotonin and phenylethylamine. The former boosts your mood and the latter imitates the brain chemistry of a person in love.
- Oysters: Oysters are full of zinc, which secrete testosterone and maintain the production of healthy sperm. This food also secretes dopamine, a hormone which results in an augmented sex drive.
- Watermelon: This fruit is rich with citrulline, which increases blood flow to your heart and genitalia, as well as to the rest of your body. Citrulline relaxes your blood vessels and creates an effect similar to sex medicines, such as Viagra.
- Asparagus: Asparagus is full of folate, which is a B vitamin. It enhances your secretion of histamine. High levels of histamine play a major role in increasing your sex drive.
- Garlic: Garlic may give you bad breath, but it increases the blood flow to the sexual organs because it contains an effective compound, allicin.
- Pumpkin Seeds: Pumpkin seeds are highly rich in zinc and omega-3 fatty acids. Omega-3s work as a precursor of prostaglandins, which are hormone-like substances and help improve your sexual health.
- Bananas: Bananas contain the enzyme bromelain, which increases libido in men. Bananas are also a good source of potassium and B vitamins like riboflavin, which accelerates body energy level.
12. Talk Dirty to Me: Improve Your Erections Without Turning Her Off
Men who find it hard to experience erections can benefit from adding extra sex stimulators during their sex sessions. Dirty talk to their woman can be one of those stimulators that can help men achieve quick erections.
Here are a few examples:
- Do you like it when I touch myself here?
- You taste so good.
- Do you want more? Take it.
- Kiss me there. Lick every inch of me
- Just grab my head and force me closer.
- I cannot believe what you are doing. Please don’t stop.
- Sounds of your pleasure drive me crazy.
Note. When the topic of dirty talk comes up, you should communicate about dirty talk boundaries with your partner. Once you have agreed on what works and what doesn’t, have some sexual fun with your partner.
13. Self-Sabotage: Reasons You Shouldn’t Compare Yourself to a Porn Star
If you are one of those who always feel jealous of those lucky guys in porn movies, it’s time that you ditch your negative thinking and face the reality. In the real world, cocks are of average size and the majority of women are not heavily endowed, either. Also, the average move-making time for the average couple is from three to 12 minutes.
You need to bear in mind that the porn industry is a fantasy, and not sex education material you can use during your sex performance sessions.
Men who are addicted to sex often find themselves addicted to porn. This addiction turns out to be damaging and contributes to an increase in their sexual anxiety. You may be in denial and think that you are not a porn-addict, but the truth might be something else. Addiction to porn can set huge unrealistic expectations that make your sex less enjoyable and more challenging.
What can you do?
- Give up your porn addiction for one month or more.
- When you masturbate, stay away from porn, adult material, magazines or newspapers.
- Imagine your excitement and fantasy only in your head. The result will dumbfound you.
14. External Stressors: Learn to Relax in Order to Repair Your Sexual Life
External stressors could trigger your sexual performance anxiety. Bills, work, children, taxes and other daily stresses can take a toll on your lovemaking sessions. Understandably, it is not easy to avoid all of these stressors, but you can reduce a few by incorporating anxiety reducers into your life.
Wondering what the anxiety reducers are? Here are a few examples:
- Get busy with your favorite hobby.
- Include workouts in your regular routine.
- Go for walks amidst nature.
- Adopt a healthy life, which can promote calmness and mindfulness.
- Watch a funny movie and laugh until you cry.
15. Overcoming Performance Anxiety: Boosting Your Sexual Comfort
When you promote your sexual comfort both inside and outside the bedroom, you’ll find it easy to overcome your performance anxiety. In extreme cases, the source of anxiety is the discomfort you might have experienced during your sexual encounters in the past. In addition, an inadequacy in sex knowledge contributes to sexual naivetés.
In order to make yourself more acquainted with the understanding of sex, you should:
- Learn sex tips.
- Read about sexuality.
- Understand her pleasure cues.
- Know the significance of body language, sounds and breathing of your partner.
- Increase the frequency of your sex sessions.
Don’t let performance anxiety enter your bedroom and spoil your sex game. Keep in mind that it is all in your head. Imply a few of these techniques into your life and notice your sex life coming back on track. Once you and your partner feel sexually attached, there will be less to feel anxious about in the bedroom.